Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Remember your mother tucking you in bed and saying "Don't let the bedbugs bite.", before she turned off your night light? You probably thought she was kidding. Well, she wasn't kidding. It's just before dawn. You're in the deepest sleep you'll be in all night, and the bed bugs are ready to strike. Bed bugs once lived in caves and sucked the blood of bats and your prehistoric ancestors. When we left our caves, so did they. They sneak in through the tiniest cracks, the most miniscule openings. They even come in through an outlet. They know where you are, because they can sense the carbon dioxide you exhale. You got something they want: Blood. When they get in with sucking distance, they use heat sensors on their antennie to find the juiciest place to drill for plasma. And an expose limb is like a flashing neon sign for a free all you can suck buffet. If nobody does anything, thousands of them can infest a single bedroom. Like a safecracker opening the vault, the bed bug finds the perfect spot to hit the blood bank. Bed bugs have to drink blood to stay alive and breed, and mother nature is on the side of the bed bug. The bug administers and anesthetic so you don't wake up, as well as an anticoagulant. So your vital life essence will gush freely from your veins. Here's a cheery fact: A bed bug can drink 3 times its weight in a single meal, talk about your big gulp. Here's something else to brighten your day: If you got a serious infestation, you might get bitten 500 times. You might get anemia, unlike the bed bug. It usually happens in a filthy hotel or apartment. Thank god I never got bitten. When their bodies are red, that means they drank blood.